1.
Perhaps the greatest obstacle that any of us have to living the life we
would
love to live, is not us or our competence to make it happen, rather
it's
all
about the other people in our lives and our relationships with them that
gets
in the way! This certainly stands to reason. I can exercise control
over
my own
life - enough control to direct it any way that I please, assuming
that I
have the strategies, the discipline, the G-d connection and all else
that's
needed to see it through. But other people oftentimes interfere,
especially
when the relationship is a difficult one. My personal experience as
a life
coach, has taught me that the number one obstacle that gets in the
way of
people achieving happiness and peace of mind, is the
troublesome
'significant other[s] in their lives - past and present. So what's
a poor
person to do?! Of course, as you may have guessed, the only possible
solution
is to paradise our relationships!! So, hang on tight for the next 3
weeks
or so, when we will further explore the possibility of living the life
that
we would love to live completely, despite of - or better yet, as a
result of
all of
the various relationships we have!!
CONNECTING ALL OF ME TO
ALL OF YOU
2.
What I'd like to present here is a collection of strategies, all
designed to
engage
our relationships in a way that enables us, and oftentimes those who
we are
relating to, to be in a state of paradise, whether a mild one or a
powerful
one. I again reiterate at this point, that the state of being that I
refer
to as '
am
totally present [P or
Presence], both my Higher or Divine
connected
faculty [I or Infinitizing ] as
well as my lower soul [L or
Lower
soul]
and I engage all of my resources [N
or Nitzul which means salvaging
all of
my resources] in a unified direction [U
or Unified] and thoroughly enjoy
the
whole process [G or
Grooving].................Now that we are in the realm
of the
interpersonal, we could add one more factor, that of the effect that we
have
on others. Therefore, perhaps a good way of summing up the
paradising
of relationships, is CONNECTING ALL
OF ME WITH ALL OF YOU.
OUR WAY OF APPROACHING
IT
3.
....
Anyway as I was saying, we will bring a number of approaches or
recipes. We
will
divide them up into 3 relationship categories -
- [1]Standard, [2]'Family' or kindred
souls
and [3]difficult or impossible ones. I believe the best way to approach
each
strategy
or recipe is as follows:
A.
Try
to choose the recipe or recipes that work best for you. I suggest using
a
combination
of a number of different strategies. This, I base on very wise advice
that I
once received
from a healer friend of mine, who told me that the most effective way to
heal
is to 'BLITZ' the problem away - i.e. ... to activate 5 or 6 different
strategies at once.
The
same would apply in our case.
B.
Some strategies are more difficult, or require more expertise and
experience
than
others.
Try out those which you feel you are ready for, and maybe begin to
explore the
harder
ones afterwards , a little bit at a time...
C.
Our
Sages say, 'Who is the wise one? the one who sees the most likely
result [of
any
intended
action taken].' Before acting, project into the future to see [often
based on
your
knowledge
of a similar situation in the past] the consequences that your action
will
illicit,
and
act accordingly...
D.
There is no substitute for getting good advice from wise and
experienced
people,
especially
with regard to our topic of dealing with people and all the unknown
factors
involved.....
E.
The
question of when to escape or when to confront very difficult people,
is one
that
is
very delicate and often-times dangerous. I am researching it for a long
time
now, but
I'm
not certain enough of some of the finer distinctions involved to give
you clear
cut
guidelines
therefore I suggest that before making drastic life-changing moves
brought
on by
being challenged by very difficult people, please seek the advice of
experts... [ by
the way there are a lot of guidelines in the realm of
interpersonalizing,
brought in 'Halachic' works - our essays are not designed to provide
Halachic
answers, but rather pathways in higher consciousness that B"H don't
contradict
Halacha ]...
A FEW RELATIONSHIP
PARADISING STRATEGIES
FOR
STANDARD RELATIONSHIPS:
1.
MY
OWN PERSONAL GROWTH - The main focus here is to view all people as
being
opportunities for me to 'get what they've got' and grow with it. Every
person
alive
has at
least one unique point that no one else has, but that everyone else
could
benefit
from. One
good way to take advantage of this wellspring of unique traits, is to
make a
list
of
10-20 people that you know. Choose a unique point that each one of
these people
possess,
and make at least a minimal effort to try to internalize this point
into your
life,
especially
when you encounter the person. They will truly appreciate the fact that
you
appreciate
what is unique about them.
For
those serious people-paradising-students [especially the areas that
deal with
personal
growth], I refer you to do a more thorough exploration on the subject by
clicking
the following Parsha Tools essays:
a. Parsha
Noach - Seeing people positively
b.
Parsha Lech Lecha - Holy
selfishness
fusion
c. Parsha
Vayeira - Grooving on giving
d. Parsha
Vayeishev - All-encompassing communication
e. Parsha
Vayakhel - -The everyone in me
f. Parsha
Acharei/Kdoshim - Holy interpersonalizing
g. Parsha
Vayishlach [2nd year] - Parenting
2.
'SHLOMO-ING' - R. Shlomo Carlebach's [
as
brought in the excellent biography called 'Holy
Brother'] depicting his very
unique
way of
paradising relationships [I'm not sure if he would have articulated it
like that,
but I
have a
feeling he wouldn't have minded]. The stories taken as a whole,
illustrate a
way
to
view all people that you encounter as being Holy and special. Everyone,
without
exception
was seen by Shlomo as being the MOST holy and the MOST special person
in the
world [and he let each one know it too!] If we could, so to speak, put
ourselves in
Hashem's
place and see how He views people - i.e. ...seeing them not only for
how they
appear
to us at the present moment, but also who they have been in the past and
seeing
them right now, the perfected person who they ultimately will become - then
we
too, just like Shlomo, would begin to see everyone's uniqueness and
holiness -
and we
too, just like Shlomo wouldn't say no to anyone, nor would we divert
our full
compassionate
attention to a person in need, even when there are as many as 10,000
people
waiting in anticipation for our teachings or music...etc. ....
It
takes a lifetime of work and some people are more Shlomo-like than
others, but
everyone can
practice
opening up this faculty inside themselves just a teeny bit more than
they are
presently
doing....
3.
'ANCHORING' - The premise of this strategy is
that since we all have our
strong
traits and our weak traits, why not give ourselves some leverage and
anchor
power
and call into action our strong [paradise] traits when
interpersonalizing [or
any
other
venture in life for that matter], and thereby, not risk fallout we
might
experience if
we
would utilize our weaker [Gehinom]
traits. For example,
instead of calling on our
confrontational
side when dealing with a confrontational type of person, let's try using
for
example, our thirst- for- wisdom- side, and interview the person, make
their
difficult
traits the object of our inquiry - or else, call into action our benevolent side
and
connect with the person with compassion and benevolence...etc. etc..
What
we will most likely encounter, is that the person will reflect us, and
instead
of being so
confrontational,
they'll be benevolent as well....